When I was born, my birth mother was in jail. I was immediately placed into foster care. My birth parents were not ready to care for a child, so I spent the first seven years of my life in foster homes. I lived in several different homes. All of that is kind of a blur now, but I do have some memories. I was never outright abused in these homes; just neglected. I had foster placements that didn’t know how to care for a young child with emotional issues. I was left to play by myself and figure things out for myself. I have a memory of accidentally burning my hand on the stove top –I was sent to my room without any comforting. I must have been about five years old. I learned how to make do with what I had. I also learned that adults don’t really care about you.
That is, until my adopted parents came along.
When I was adopted by my parents, I had many “firsts.” The first time I ever played in the snow, the first time I ever carved a pumpkin and got to pick out my own Halloween costume. The first time I ever got swimming lessons. The first time I got to celebrate my birthday. I was never given so much individualized attention before I met my (new) parents. We went through many trials as I was growing up. After all, most foster kids come with a little bag of “issues” that need to be worked out. I was scared of weird things. I was emotionally insecure and socially immature. My parents and I went through years of family counseling to help me overcome the wounds of childhood neglect.
For a foster kid, I actually turned out pretty good. But when I look back over the various homes I lived in, I realize that I was really neglected as a little kid, which helps me to understand some of the emotional insecurities I still deal with today.
It makes me sad to think that some children live in placements in which the adults do not have adequate knowledge and understanding or patience to deal with and love them as if they were their own.
For two years, I worked for a company called Arizona Baptist Children Services. ABCS is a nonprofit faith-based organization that provides various care and resources for hurting families. One of their programs is licensing foster parents and equipping them to care for foster children with the love and compassion that Jesus has for us. In addition to foster care, ABCS provides parent aide services for biological parents who are working hard to get their children back in their care.
A portion of all of my sales is donated to ABCS every month. This is my way of giving back to a cause that is near to my heart and has significantly shaped my life. I believe every child deserves caregivers who are loving, patient, and kind.
Thank you for supporting my art journey and allowing me to invest in something so meaningful to me!
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I am a believer that you have the ability to change your life with one simple thing called mindset.
Is there a habit you want to get rid of? Do you want to lose weight and eat healthier? Do you want to become more secure in who you are? You don’t have to wait for some mysterious life-altering event for this to happen. You have the power to change these things!
Most of us have a combination of good beliefs and bad beliefs about ourselves:
I am beautiful, but I’m not smart enough. I am unworthy of commitment. I am strong and capable of taking care of myself. I have to work hard in order to deserve unconditional love. It’s easy for people to leave me.
Do any of these resonate with you? Perhaps you thought of some of your own beliefs that are deeply engrained.
Most of our beliefs likely took root at a young age, between 0 to 5 years old. Childhood was a critical time in our lives because our emotional security and attachment style was formed during these precious early years. The values and beliefs you have today are likely the result of what was instilled in you as a child.
Children are completely dependent on their caregivers, so if something happened in your childhood that caused harmful beliefs to take root, it’s not your fault. However, you have the power to change those beliefs today.
I was in foster care until I was 7 years old. I moved from one foster home to the next, and each one was a place of emotional neglect. When I was just an infant, I was already in a group home. I noticed as an adult I had some insecurity and attachment issues. I often felt anxious and fearful of abandonment, and I didn’t know how to handle these emotions in healthy ways. This lead me to do research, and I discovered that these emotional problems are likely the result of not having my needs met as a baby and young child. Despite having people constantly say to my adoptive parents, “She turned out so good!” I still had boundary issues and emotional insecurities that were beneath the surface.
I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to stay where you are! Yes, children can be victims. However, you don’t have to be a victim forever. As an artist, I am continuously learning how to take control of my harmful beliefs, and transform them into healthy beliefs.
Take the movie “I Feel Pretty.” Amy Schumer’s character is living with a false and harmful belief about herself that she is unattractive. Because she believes she is unattractive, she settles for a job that she doesn’t love and she shrinks away from attention, giving off a vibe of insecurity. One day she falls down and wakes up with a whole new mindset. She suddenly believes that she is the most beautiful woman in the world! And because of this new mindset, her life changes in so many ways. She becomes more successful and attractive to everyone around her. Nothing about her physical appearance actually changed –just her mindset.
Imagine if you were to wake up tomorrow with a whole new mindset! What new beliefs would you have about yourself?
When I am painting, I speak truth to myself. I tell myself that I am beautiful, worthy, and priceless. I choose to see myself the way my Maker sees me. Painting is a very personal experience for me. Each brush stroke allows me to process difficult emotions, accepting myself for where I am without judgement. With each painting, I allow myself to feel my emotions, heal from the past, and become the person I am meant to be with a brand new mindset.
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